It takes bravery to live—and die—with purpose. In her profound and evocative new memoir New York Times bestselling author Laurel Braitman explores the cost of holding in grief as a child, the power of facing it as an adult, and the ways that loss can transform us into the people we want to become.

Laurel Braitman’s childhood on a beautiful citrus and avocado ranch in Southern California was idyllic until her beloved father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. A heart surgeon determined to outlive his prognosis, he went through chemo, amputations, and other grueling treatments. For years and against all odds, he traded parts of himself for time with his family so that he could teach Laurel and her younger brother everything they needed to know to survive without him—from out-fishing grown men and fixing carburetors to planning the best practical jokes and making up your own holidays just for the fun of it. Throughout her childhood, Laurel blamed herself for not having the power to heal him, suppressing her fears and clinging to his conviction that denying pain is a sign of bravery.

What Looks Like Bravery is a revelatory, insightful look at how unexamined grief can persist over decades. It’s a soaring and universal coming-of-age story about the importance of untangling what our parents want for us from the things we want for ourselves.